I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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