she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
