If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
