I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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