is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
