Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
