return my video game
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Randomize
