smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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