Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I have aggressive nipples.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
