I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
