I showed him my bush... on skype.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
is it fun? or sober?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
