theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
