what if every blade of grass was a penis?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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