I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I love having hate sex.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
