I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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