She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
