You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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