I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
