I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
