If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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