I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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