K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
