You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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