he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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