I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
