her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
