May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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