I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
