dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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