your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
