You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize