I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
