Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
