you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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