I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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