it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
