Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize