Sponge bath it is.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
