Walk of Shame. In a state park.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
