you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i think i just lost a toe
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
