there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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