I just pynch a tree in the face
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
