guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize