I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize