she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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