Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
please come you make the beer taste better
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize