I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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