Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am midnight drunk by noon
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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