You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
