I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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