I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
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