sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
