i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
