Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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