he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
