It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Blood and glitter go together right?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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