he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
