i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't deserve a penis
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
