We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
