I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
