well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
