Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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