Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
