If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize