"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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