I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Randomize
