hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
