Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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