just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
